Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it
Holding grudge doesn’t make you strong, it makes you bitter, whereas forgiving doesn’t make you weak, it sets you free, and as R. Brault says, life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never received. But the wound caused takes time to heal, until then our mind don’t get ready to forgive the accused. Forgiving them ceases to consider them important and makes them obsolete. It is beneficial to our mind, in return.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars.
You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
The painful experience could be haunting, but the need to a peaceful mind begs you to let go of the grudges you hold on. Relinquish the need to replay the destructive incident over and over, cease being the hostage of your past imbecilities, and don’t stress the could haves, because if it should have, it would have. As Nelson Mandela stated, when a deep injury is done to us, we never heal until we forgive.
The word forgive literally means ‘to give away’; it has very little to do with the other person; it’s a decision that you make like exhaling carbon dioxide from your body because you know holding on to it will only harm you. So go ahead, exhale, release forgiveness [Matthew 6:12-15]. We all might wonder, but the first to apologize is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest and the first to forget is the happiest.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong
You have all rights to resent, it’s not a sin, you don’t have to condone someone’s actions and pretend you are completely alright with them in order to show your broad mindedness. But remember, you have the power to heal, move beyond your pain and let go of the burden that drags you down, only when you decide to be. You have the power to learn lessons from your heartache, gains in your losses and reasons to forgive. It may happen at a slow pace, but the wounds would heal and you would move on. As Buddha rightly stated, holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Don’t pollute your mind with the bitterness, anger, hatred, fear, distrust and grudges, where you no longer want to be.
And finally, take back home the thought that there is nothing more powerful than showing forgiveness to someone who don’t deserve it, even if that’s you. Self forgiveness is the foundation for self healing. Forgive yourself for trusting a wrong person, their misleading actions and their heart breaking behavior. It has nothing to do with you. Forgiving is what you need to do, but trusting them again is not mandatory, and you don’t bother anymore about the nonsensical melodramas. Start with forgiving yourself, you would meet a better person the next day in your mirror. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you acknowledge the mistakes, it means they don’t control them anymore and you don’t have a reason to swallow the slow poison called the grudges. And as Martin Luther King Jr. described in Strength to love (Philadelphia: Fortess press, 1981), Forgiveness is a catalyst creating the atmosphere necessary for a fresh start and a new beginning. It is the lifting of a burden or the cancelling of a debt. The words “I’ll forgive you but I’ll never forget what you’ve done” never explain the real nature of forgiveness. Certainly one can never forget, if that means erasing it totally from his mind. But when we forgive, we forget in the sense that the evil deed is no longer a mental block impeding a new relationship. Likewise, we can never say, “I will never forgive you, but I wouldn’t have anything further to do with you”. Forgiveness means reconciliation, a coming together again. Without this, no man can love his enemies. The degree to which we are able to forgive determines the degree to which we are able to love our enemies. The inner conflict cannot continue without your participation. So let the peace occupy your mind and let go of the grudges.
Pain is inevitable but suffering is an option !